Invincibility
A close buddy of mine who works at Citadel Group has been warning me of the "end of the world" for over a year now. With the recession, he continues to tell me how things will probably get even worse and how we're all probably screwed. For some reason, his warnings don't have much of an effect on me. It's not that I don't believe what he says, I definitely believe it. There are a lot of other things going on in the world that should scare me as well but don't. My problem is that I think I'm invincible.

When did I start thinking this? I have no idea. But in a conversation about the recession recently, I realized that I have NO FEAR of things like losing my job or being unable to pay bills. Maybe its just my youth, or maybe my life experiences have cultivated a sort of ignorant arrogance in me. Whatever it is, it can't be healthy.

I'm still convinced that I can do whatever I want without worrying too much. Even working a regular job for a few months now, I'm still cruising. In fact, I'm cruising more than I was in college. Its ridiculous how relaxing and generally worry-free life is.

In recent months I have been accused of being an idealist, of being out of touch with reality, and of having no concept of the "real world." Also, I've been called an idiot and stupid. All for having the perspective that it's not THAT HARD to make big changes in your own life. It is not THAT HARD to exert influence on the environment around you, or to change your own habits and perspectives on things.

Sometimes I think that I'm just a spoiled kid who doesn't know anything. Then I remember how hard I've thought about all of these things and how many challenges I had to overcome just to be who I am today. How many times I've pushed myself physically and mentally, how many times I've put myself in uncomfortable situations to force learning, and how many times I submitted myself to unforgiving self-criticism. That's when I always become convinced that the "real world" was always a sham: something designed to avoid the physical, mental, and emotional challenges of life.

The truth is that I am afraid of losing my job, of having to financial troubles, etc. What I'm not afraid of are challenges. In fact, I welcome ever greater challenges. I think this desire to train with resistance and to push against ceilings is an important factor in personal and moral decision making. Without it, the fear of overwhelming obstacles always becomes a factor in the process of creating solutions.

Now for my roommate, Doug!