Pin (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} pinfx) wrote,@ 2008-12-22 00:11:00 |
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Employee of the Month / Quarter Life Crisis
So, on Friday they had the company meeting, and I was voted as the employee of the month.
Since we've had two rounds of layoffs in recent months, and the morale budget was cut to all teams, we decided to use my $175 best buy gift cards to buy Rock Band 2 for the company.
To be honest, since Friday (since December started) I've really been feeling off. Employee of the month should make me feel happy but it just makes me feel like I'm dying on the inside.
The novelty of living in California has totally worn off. I think living here has spoiled life for me: I can't stand slightly cold weather, I'm used to being lazy and eating out all the time, I've become super picky about many things, etc.
I've transitioned into living by myself and taking care of my shit pretty easily. I feel like I'm that older kid in a grade with a bunch of younger people, owning shit up but still knowing I should be ahead. My roommate says I'm going through my "Quarter Life Crisis," which apparently lots of people are having these days. It sounds like some bullshit to me, all of us pansy-ass privileged kids who got to go to college and now suddenly can't find ourselves or whatever. I think its just some lazy shit, and that I'm way too into posing and shopping online and caring about a bunch of bullshit and I need to get back to the basics. What I'm saying here is that out west, even if Bay area residents are bad ass and super cool, we still got our own type of posing. It might be greener, more tech-savvy and avant garde, but the point is it covers up the laziness underneath that I KNOW lots of people around here fall in to.
Either way, I'm going through that cycle of non-satisfaction again, as I always do. Life is getting too comfortable again, and it makes me feel uneasy. I feel like what I really need is some really hot girls to talk some trash to me, or some heartless bitch to break my heart... that always gets me motivated and hungry for challenges.
I think fundamentally, my problem is with my career as a web developer. Even though I'm DAMN good at that shit, its not what I feel like I should be doing. I knew this was going to happen. Hopefully, I can somehow translate this restlessness into productivity in early 2009 and make things happen for myself.
So, on Friday they had the company meeting, and I was voted as the employee of the month.
Since we've had two rounds of layoffs in recent months, and the morale budget was cut to all teams, we decided to use my $175 best buy gift cards to buy Rock Band 2 for the company.
To be honest, since Friday (since December started) I've really been feeling off. Employee of the month should make me feel happy but it just makes me feel like I'm dying on the inside.
The novelty of living in California has totally worn off. I think living here has spoiled life for me: I can't stand slightly cold weather, I'm used to being lazy and eating out all the time, I've become super picky about many things, etc.
I've transitioned into living by myself and taking care of my shit pretty easily. I feel like I'm that older kid in a grade with a bunch of younger people, owning shit up but still knowing I should be ahead. My roommate says I'm going through my "Quarter Life Crisis," which apparently lots of people are having these days. It sounds like some bullshit to me, all of us pansy-ass privileged kids who got to go to college and now suddenly can't find ourselves or whatever. I think its just some lazy shit, and that I'm way too into posing and shopping online and caring about a bunch of bullshit and I need to get back to the basics. What I'm saying here is that out west, even if Bay area residents are bad ass and super cool, we still got our own type of posing. It might be greener, more tech-savvy and avant garde, but the point is it covers up the laziness underneath that I KNOW lots of people around here fall in to.
Either way, I'm going through that cycle of non-satisfaction again, as I always do. Life is getting too comfortable again, and it makes me feel uneasy. I feel like what I really need is some really hot girls to talk some trash to me, or some heartless bitch to break my heart... that always gets me motivated and hungry for challenges.
I think fundamentally, my problem is with my career as a web developer. Even though I'm DAMN good at that shit, its not what I feel like I should be doing. I knew this was going to happen. Hopefully, I can somehow translate this restlessness into productivity in early 2009 and make things happen for myself.
