The Adventures of Pin

Ronin

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:46:45 GMT

Just had a soulgasm.

Seeing Nik Bärtsch's RONIN was so incredible that I had to post about it, somewhere, anywhere.

It was like being a virgin, then having crazy weird kinky sex for your first time, and then enjoying it soooo much. Ronin is such a good name for the band because they are so unorthodox, got such a weird vibe, but at the same time kick fucking ass and have a deep emotional streak. I found myself uncontrollably whispering "fuck yeah" and "ya you play that goddamn six-string bass" under my breath.

Highly recommended.

Review: The Real World

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:14:48 GMT

It's been over a year since I took a one-way ticket out to CA. In a couple weeks, I'll be off on another one-way move, this time to Beijing, China.

Looking back, it seems ridiculous how incredibly stressed and nervous I was about the move one year ago. Really, life is not that hard. Once I realized how easy it is to live off of 50k / year, life settled into a comfortable, lethargic pace. I learned that, like in school, people like to slack off in working environments and rarely push themselves. Likewise, I discovered that even as contributing members to society, working professionals are still largely ignorant about the world outside of their own "bubble." I ~~have~~ had a nice place to live in, a steady job with good pay, and a decent car to get around. I guess that at this point, a normal person would work towards getting married, climbing the career ladder, buying a house, etc.

Unfortunately, it's not in my nature to follow these patterns.

In the past year, I've made a lot of new friends. The difference this time, was that they weren't poor students with no money. I've met so many wonderful people. Some regular young professionals on their first job like me, other more accomplished professionals with long careers behind them, and others in between. After hanging out with extraordinarily successful people my age, who make well over six-figures and support expensive lifestyles, I realized that all of these characteristics of the commonly described "high life" (designer apartments, VIP club membership, hot ladies lined up to fuck you, etc.) do not (always) equate to happiness or even moderate satisfaction.

As my one friend recently said: "I've gone through the entire checklist: Ivy league degree- check, job at top-level financial firm- check, hot girlfriend- check... but I still haven't made it." I would disagree with him, but the truth is that we all judge our success based on personal standards. Comparing these people to the musicians, professors, athletes, intellectuals, and artists that I met, admired and respected in my college years, I don't take anything from the success and accomplishments of any of these people. Really, I think, happiness in life (for guys at least), comes from a strong sense of identity and mission in life (and from girls too haha, but that's for another post). What is more important than any standard of "success" is a set of strong ideals that are actually followed, and crucially, the relationships developed along the way.

For me, I'm not done exploring yet. I'm not done trying to get rich either. I feel that moving to China will be the beginning of a new lifestyle for me, and I don't put any limitations on where I go or what I will do afterward. One thing that I doubt though, is that I will ever return to such a cleanly prepared "real world." I think from now on, I will decide my own reality and way of life, it should be more interesting that way.

OK, that should end my review, the final grade: C. On more practical terms, please let me know of any web dev jobs you might throw my way :)

BTW, I knew I was right about Asian(-American)s being racist... check out this snippet from an NYT article:

Several studies have shown that living with a roommate of a different race changes students’ attitudes. One, from the University of California at Los Angeles, generally found decreased prejudice among students with different-race roommates — but those who roomed with Asian-Americans, the group that scored the highest on measures of prejudice, became more prejudiced themselves.

Also, I'd like to plug my blog (http://www.shuugouteki.net), which I write with 3 other astounding individuals. Two of them will be journeying with me to China and spending at least some time with me there together. The other has just embarked on a remarkable hitch-hiking / couch-surfing journey that will begin and end in Virginia Beach, VA, and take him across the country. Good luck Chris!

Hopefully, We will be writing about our experiences and observations on Chinese culture, so check out the blog if you are interested.

Strangely not-so-exicited or nervous,
-Pin

Honesty and K.O.S.

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 06:46:48 GMT

The beauty of LiveJournal is that posting is an active construction of social identity. Regardless of the outcome, you can always learn a lot about yourself when you sit in front of the computer and think of what you want to write and how to write it.

Every time I write a post on LJ, I get halfway through and suddenly realize I'm trying to project a certain type of social image along with the actual content of what I'm writing. Sometimes this is acceptable, but half the time I end up scrapping my post and not posting anything. This is something I've always struggled with. On the one hand, trying to appeal to people with some sort of value and hoping they will accept me/like me, and on the other, breaking down the bullshit that is the by-product of those attempts.

My icon on here used to be a quote from Bruce Lee: "To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person."

Quotes like this seem to get more insightful as you grow older, especially as you learn to spot projected images both from other people and yourself. With experience, most people become more attuned to when others are saying or doing something to give off a certain impression. Less people, I think, can apply the same enhanced perception to themselves.

In some cases I've realized that my projected image is not just for other people, but for myself as well. If a projected image- by its inherent meaning- is something that is dishonest, and if my own identity is based on my interaction with others, then my projected image will in turn influence my own self-perception. So when I am writing an LJ post and I stop to think "wtf are you writing Pin?", what I'm doing is capturing and understanding how I want to be looked at by others. In doing so, I can clarify those aspects of a projected image confusing my self-perception and attain a better understanding of why I want to be perceived as such. This is a new revelation for me, since I always thought that it was self-honesty that led to honesty with others in a linear fashion, whereas now I understand this relationship to be a two-way street. The benefit of this understanding is not only honest self-expression, but a more honest self-assessment when it comes to social identity.

Now that's some serious knowledge of self.

Cheers,
Pin

War on Gaza

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 08:49:26 GMT

Again, what's with the ignorance?

Nobody gives a flying fuck about Palestinian civilians. Israel has invaded Gaza for what? To stop rockets by killing the families of hamas militants? That's some bullshit.

Israel's strategy here has nothing to do with deterrence or any of that other bullshit its propaganda machine is spewing out, their goal is to manage the entire conflict via economic and military dominance and oppression. fuck that shit.

And somehow, we got an entire population of fucktards who enjoy cheerleading this war, as if its justified. "If rockets were being launched into my home, bnlabbalblalaa" FUCK YOU, dumb piece of shit! What would you do if you were a Palestinian child who lost both of his parents to Israeli airstrikes. What if you were a Palestinian mother whose son is blind from white phosphorous, what if you were a Palestinian leader who saw the Gaza strip filled with refugees who were forced to leave by Israelis, and then systematically blockaded and sabotaged both politically and economically for several decades. What if the only truly democratically elected government in the middle east was not recognized by Israel, the United States, and then the rest of these pussy ass Israel-nutsack-licking countries in the west, how the fuck would you react as a Palestinian?

And the bottom line is, at no point are civilian deaths (at any scale) an acceptable strategy of war. Precedents don't justify it. Nothing justifies it. Palestinians don't have the luxury of this kind of morality, they can't even fucking live properly so how do you expect them to give two fucks about what terrorism is. Israel and the US on the other hand, could easily stop acting like high school thugs and think for a few fuckin seconds on consequences, morality and efficacy of murdering large quantities of innocent people.

I'm probably gonna move to the middle east and work with Palestinian kids. This is bullshit.

Employee of the Month / Quarter Life Crisis

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 08:32:39 GMT

So, on Friday they had the company meeting, and I was voted as the employee of the month.

Since we've had two rounds of layoffs in recent months, and the morale budget was cut to all teams, we decided to use my $175 best buy gift cards to buy Rock Band 2 for the company.

To be honest, since Friday (since December started) I've really been feeling off. Employee of the month should make me feel happy but it just makes me feel like I'm dying on the inside.

The novelty of living in California has totally worn off. I think living here has spoiled life for me: I can't stand slightly cold weather, I'm used to being lazy and eating out all the time, I've become super picky about many things, etc.

I've transitioned into living by myself and taking care of my shit pretty easily. I feel like I'm that older kid in a grade with a bunch of younger people, owning shit up but still knowing I should be ahead. My roommate says I'm going through my "Quarter Life Crisis," which apparently lots of people are having these days. It sounds like some bullshit to me, all of us pansy-ass privileged kids who got to go to college and now suddenly can't find ourselves or whatever. I think its just some lazy shit, and that I'm way too into posing and shopping online and caring about a bunch of bullshit and I need to get back to the basics. What I'm saying here is that out west, even if Bay area residents are bad ass and super cool, we still got our own type of posing. It might be greener, more tech-savvy and avant garde, but the point is it covers up the laziness underneath that I KNOW lots of people around here fall in to.

Either way, I'm going through that cycle of non-satisfaction again, as I always do. Life is getting too comfortable again, and it makes me feel uneasy. I feel like what I really need is some really hot girls to talk some trash to me, or some heartless bitch to break my heart... that always gets me motivated and hungry for challenges.

I think fundamentally, my problem is with my career as a web developer. Even though I'm DAMN good at that shit, its not what I feel like I should be doing. I knew this was going to happen. Hopefully, I can somehow translate this restlessness into productivity in early 2009 and make things happen for myself.

Keanu Reeves to Ruin Classic Anime "Cowboy Bebop"

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 19:44:17 GMT

Had to crosspost this one...
http://www.shuugouteki.net/blog/?p=105

New Blog

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 23:54:43 GMT

Some cool people and I are starting a new blog about music, politics, interesting stuff, etc. etc.

You can check it out at http://www.shuugouteki.net/blog/

Invincibility

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 07:59:16 GMT

A close buddy of mine who works at Citadel Group has been warning me of the "end of the world" for over a year now. With the recession, he continues to tell me how things will probably get even worse and how we're all probably screwed. For some reason, his warnings don't have much of an effect on me. It's not that I don't believe what he says, I definitely believe it. There are a lot of other things going on in the world that should scare me as well but don't. My problem is that I think I'm invincible.

When did I start thinking this? I have no idea. But in a conversation about the recession recently, I realized that I have NO FEAR of things like losing my job or being unable to pay bills. Maybe its just my youth, or maybe my life experiences have cultivated a sort of ignorant arrogance in me. Whatever it is, it can't be healthy.

I'm still convinced that I can do whatever I want without worrying too much. Even working a regular job for a few months now, I'm still cruising. In fact, I'm cruising more than I was in college. Its ridiculous how relaxing and generally worry-free life is.

In recent months I have been accused of being an idealist, of being out of touch with reality, and of having no concept of the "real world." Also, I've been called an idiot and stupid. All for having the perspective that it's not THAT HARD to make big changes in your own life. It is not THAT HARD to exert influence on the environment around you, or to change your own habits and perspectives on things.

Sometimes I think that I'm just a spoiled kid who doesn't know anything. Then I remember how hard I've thought about all of these things and how many challenges I had to overcome just to be who I am today. How many times I've pushed myself physically and mentally, how many times I've put myself in uncomfortable situations to force learning, and how many times I submitted myself to unforgiving self-criticism. That's when I always become convinced that the "real world" was always a sham: something designed to avoid the physical, mental, and emotional challenges of life.

The truth is that I am afraid of losing my job, of having to financial troubles, etc. What I'm not afraid of are challenges. In fact, I welcome ever greater challenges. I think this desire to train with resistance and to push against ceilings is an important factor in personal and moral decision making. Without it, the fear of overwhelming obstacles always becomes a factor in the process of creating solutions.

Now for my roommate, Doug!

HOT FIYUURRRRRR ft. Yung Huang

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 22:28:49 GMT

YAO YAO, CHECK IT
I WENT TO THE CLUB GOT ALL THE GUURRRRLS IN THURRRRR
I THOUGHT OH DAMN THE PARTYS RIGHT HURRRR
I ASKED FOR A MARTINI, SHAKEN NOT STURRRRRED
AFTER A COUPLE MY SPEECH BECAME SLURRRRRED
DEN MY VISION BECAME BLURRRRRED
WHAT DID YOU SAY? I DIDNT HURRRRRR
THEN I REALIZED IT WAS HOLLUUURRR BACK GUUUUURRRR
I WENT TO DANCE THATS WHEN I SAW HUUURRRRRR
SHE SAID "MY NAMES AMY, WHAT UUURRRRRRRS?"
I SAID "ITS P WIDDY, EVERYBODY KNOWS DUUURRRRRRRR"
THEN I WAS LIKE GUUUURLL I GOT THE UUUUUURGE
I TUUUUUURRRNED AROUND IT WAS TIME TO PUUUUURGE
I WAS FEELING KINDA HUUUUUURT WHEN I STARTED TO SPLUUUURGE
I TRIED TO STAY BUT BOUNCUUURRRS KICKED ME TO DA CUUUUURB
DAMN IT WAS COLD OUT I LET OUT A BBRRRRR
TIME TO WARM UP, SO I SPIT THE HOT FIYURRRR

Karl Rove is now officially emo

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 00:55:43 GMT

Check it out.

Page from the bible

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 22:18:04 GMT

LITERALLY,

My coworker ordered Ninja Gaiden 2 off of eBay and received a page from the bible with her game! HAHAHAHA

Was something about Solomon building a house

Obama First Black President

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 23:22:30 GMT

This is just my response to something aimoto posted on is blog:
"Just a thought, but I think the fact that he's the first black guy to be elected president is being blown a little out of proportion, or at least in Japan it is. I mean, it's great and all, but what's more important to me is having someone competent run the country. After all, it's not like people voted for him because he's black (although I know a lot of people did).

The headlines should read "Years of incompetence over!" not "オバマ氏が当選　史上初の黒人" (Obama first black person to be elected)."

I had the same reaction as you on election night. My thoughts were "the triumph of tonight is not that he is black, but because it didn't matter he was black!" Totally agree that its about voting for someone based on merit and not race, and at the same time this does not say as much as it could about racism in America (how many people voted against him because he was black? that's really hard to say)

However, I began to change my perspective when I heard Common express his feelings, and later Lupe more in depth. This may or may not be the ultimate triumph of the Civil Rights movement, but to black people it certainly is a very inspiring achievement that can definitely change the mindset of black people. As you guys know I've been really into hip-hop over the last couple of years, and a lot of what I listen to is very negative, counter-establishment material. A lot of hip-hop speaks of how frustrating the black experience is and how black people are forced into certain paths in life. As Lupe said, now there is no excuse, and maybe Obama's succses, his eloquence not in speech but his "eloquence in action" may indeed trickle down.

Either way, I feel like listening to more optimistic hip-hop now :)

Cheers,
Pin

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 05:28:24 GMT

Guess I won't have to move out of the country after all!!

Spirituality

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 20:39:58 GMT

This is a post that I've wanted to write for a while now. It has do with what I believe is a person's most valuable attribute: spirit.

A lot of people think of the spirit as something that is disconnected with their physical bodies, and maybe as something that has to do with the afterlife or a different "world." To me, this could not be farther from the truth.

The spirit is part of the mind and body and is constantly present in daily life. Discipline, tenacity, heart, intensity, willpower, and dedication. These to me all reflect the meaning of spirit and are reflected in the actions of every day life. Spirit is the driving force behind our actions, and has a direct effect on the results of those actions. A strong spirit can conquer any obstacle, and can drive the mind and body to improve.

All of the people I admire have strong spirit. Spirit to me can be everything from getting a couple extra reps in on a particularly tough lift at the gym, to waking up and getting to work early consistently. An optimistic attitude is reflective of strong spirit, as is confidence and a strong desire to improve. Being unafraid to experiment, and being unafraid in general are signs of strong spirit as well. Most importantly, having a strong spirit reflects a strong grounding in reality.

You might say that my idea of spirit goes way beyond what the word normally implies, but I think my definition includes those other ideas. A more traditional idea of spirit implies something out-of-the-ordinary, and is dependent on religious views (spiritual views). But the truth is that regardless of what happens after life, and wherever your spirit "goes", it is the intensity of your spirit during life that determines how that life is lived and how much it affects the world.

So with that said, I consider myself a very spiritual person. I believe in science, I have no religion, and I am skeptical of the supernatural. Yet, I consider myself spiritual because to me, spirit is not something intangible but something real and concrete that is tested every day. Extended to my world views, it means that I have 'faith' in how things will work out, not faith in God or karma, but in myself and the people around me. It means that I take responsibility for the world around me and that I acknowledge that regardless of the impact I make, I will try.

If life is a beautifully rich, complex and meaningful thing (it is), then what is the point of a spiritual view that undermines that meaning? I think for a lot of people, spirituality becomes a slave to apathy or lethargy and then transforms into an excuse to not try, an excuse to not care, or an excuse to be sinful and pathetic, when in fact spirituality should be what drives us all to improve and become better people. I really think this is an idea that is missing from what we learn as people and what is taught to us, and I think it is one of the most important things I have ever learned.

So that's what I believe: spirit is an acknowledgment of reality; it's a refusal to ever give up and the desire to try as hard as possible. It is the level to which we participate in our own lives and the process of giving meaning to every action we make. Yes, these are very strong and broad ideas, but that's because I'm a very spiritual person!

Cheers,
Pin

Weather => Chinese Wine Drinking

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 17:08:17 GMT

Here in the south bay, everyone is used to it being Sunny EVERYDAY. In the summers, this is literally the case, and all the grass dries up and turns a pale yellow/golden color. Apparently in the winter all of this grass is supposed to turn green again, which I am really looking forward to. I'm also looking forward to experiencing a warm winter for the first time in my life [I have experienced cold winters in Canada, and pathetic winters in VA]).

San Francisco on the other hand, is another story. I love the city, but DAMN it gets cold. The summers in SF are probably colder than the winters in VA... no joke.

Today I moved into my more permanent place. I went to IKEA yesterday and owned my bank account balance (I WIN!!!) I think I was too ambitious and bought stuff that will hardly fit in my room. Anyways, the new place is pretty nice, we have in-wall speakers, giant TV with universal remote, dimming lights throughout the house, etc.

I met up with pojz and her boyfriend Cory a few days ago. I've known these two people on the internet for the longest time, and it was great to see them. Every time meet up with someone I've known for a while but haven't seen, I get both a feeling of nostalgia, and also this feeling of restlessness. It's a reminder that the world is constantly changing, that everybody is changing, and that I need to keep moving with the world. There is just so much to do out there, and the next time I meet with someone I haven't seen for a while, I'd like to be satisfied with what I have done.

Anyways, I'd like to end with a comment about Chinese people. What's with the way they drink wine? All we do is spill it EVERYWHERE. Just look in the movies, they take this giant ass container of wine with a huge opening, and just turn that shit upside down. There is NO WAY this is an accurate or efficient way to drink wine. Wine spills over the face, the body, almost everywhere except into the mouth. Likewise, when pouring into bowls, wine is spilled EVERYWHERE, then the wine is splashed generally in the direction of the face with very little actually entering the mouth. My theory is that this is the reason I have low alcohol tolerance :(

Now to assemble some IKEA stuff. Till next time, cheers!
Pin

WIP...

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:10:25 GMT

lights, glaring.
the truth is just so blinding
and that noise, blaring.
to my comfort so disturbing
as it knocks on my mind, so insistent, like a river.
Flowin through time, so consistent, it delivers.

reality! who am I?
just a fucker who is guarding...
a whole. wide. world, of children who are starving.
prisoners of fate? they're prisoners of me
my comfort is their cage its so obvious can't you see?

"wake the fuck up" "wake the fuck up!"
is that my spirit screaming?
why is the rage being sucked up
by machines... why are they winning?

cause in the game of waiting you get points for regret.
trying is to no end, while being ignant is the trend
just picture what you want, then make the spoon bend
anyone can do it, even you, try screaming "free tibet!"

begging for a rude awakening,
i need to dry my tear ducts
crying but not crying
while im lying but not trying

to my conscience: shut the fuck up
bitch more and you'll get roughed up
middle class ghetto talk is the casual sound
perfect for sitting in the dark while being raped by a clown

...but watch out for the...

[chorus]
lights, glaring.
the truth is just so blinding
and that noise, blaring.
to my comfort so disturbing
as it knocks on my mind, so insistent, like a river.
Flowin through time, so consistent, it delivers.

reality! who am I?
just a fucker who is guarding...
a whole. wide. world, of children who are starving
prisoners of fate? they're prisoners of me
my comfort is their cage its so obvious can't you see?

like a hangover and some girl,
like mass murder on the news,
my action and inaction make me feel like its not real
"what's wrong with the world?"
I got the bullshit blues...
Knowing what I know and I know that its not real

but im restless, what is this? its pushin on my chest
just confess, toss this logic-proof vest
put the heart to the test, and reconcile the mind with the rest
and then in your own mind you can be the guest

Web Stuff

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 00:17:00 GMT

Recent Projects

Here is a post where I plug my last webdev client, whose site was launched very recently:
fanboyradio.com. The site is a premier web podcast that covers comics as well as anime, internet, video game, and pop culture. It's highly recommended by me and the show has a long list of famous guests.

At work I've been slaving away to clean up a huge mess otherwise known as the Corum Online website. The front-end code was a huge mess, and as I was working hard to vanquish badly written HTML/CSS, I found it impossible not to make a few design tweaks to its formerly horrible design. Long story short, I ended up doing a full redesign and the result can be found at http://corum.gpotato.com. I wish I had more time to work on it, and will definitely come back to make upgrades if I have time in the future.

Future Projects

I've got a couple things planned, most notably a new blog/portfolio website (which definitely won't suck like my current one) that will hopefully be synched with my LJ. I'll also be working on a new website related to the hip hop community in NoVA.

Life

I'm still getting used to life over here. I've gotten to know my coworkers better, and was incredibly impressed to find out that our UI Designer also happens to be a superstar jazz hip-hop producer who has worked with MC Sniper and Nujabes.

For August, I've got tickets to a couple events I'm looking forward to:
- The first is Rock the Bells, a freaking amazing hip hop concert. Immortal Technique and Dead Prez!!!!
- The second is nVision which should be some fun as well.

I also got my hands on Rosetta Stone for both Korean and Japanese. Will need to decide on one of those :)

Cheers,
Pin

First week of life in South Bay

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 04:21:03 GMT

Things are distinctly different over here. I'm living in the burbs still but here are a few things that I've noticed:

1. Food
1A. Nobody really cooks. Everyone eats out all the time, there is such a large selection of food at all price ranges that people eat out all the time. I've budgeted $20 a day for food... hope thats enough lol.
1B. Noodle Soup everywhere. I love noodle soup, in NOVA I could never find it (other than Pho of course). Here it's EVERYWHERE and in all different kinds. Also had Zha Jiang Mian or Za Zang or whatever in Korean.

2. People
2A. Very liberal. You know how you often meet that type of person who you know you have to tip toe around and watch your words/be politically correct around? Well, I haven't met anyone like that. It's not just gay friendly, it's just friendly period.
2B. Helpful. I asked some dude with my window rolled down how to get somewhere (on the road) and he told me to follow him! Also the people I've met while house searching have all be super cool in terms of letting me know whats up and not trying to dagger me.
2C. Relaxed. Goddamn its chill out here. My company goes out for lunch everyday, and it's a two hour lunch break... after we drive to a restaurant, eat, and come back, we stand around a little for an "after lunch break." Everyone I've met could be considered "chill." Although many people work pretty hard, they are still laid back people.
2D. Hi-tech. It's Silicon Valley, just imagine if everyone around you worked in hi-tech industries. Everyone here has a certain amount of common ground when it comes to lifestyles, which is nice.

3. Expensive as fuck. Eating out all the time, plus spending $700-$1000 to share an apartment/house with someone takes a big chunk out of my paycheck.

4. Little nubs in the road. Instead of having just those dotted lane dividers, they have these little nub things that stick out of the road slightly. I have yet to examine one up close, it's on my list of things to do. It's great because when you switch lanes you can try to do it without hitting the little nubs and therefore changing lanes becomes much more fun.

So I just (finally) finalized my living arrangements. I'll be living with two black girls starting tomorrow. It's funny because the reason they decided to meet up with me on short notice is that I mentioned my paper about hip hop in the Yugoslavia, and they had actually visited the former communist nation before. They told me about how people kept calling them "nigger" without realizing it was a bad word haha.

I'll be living with them until the end of August, at which point I will move into a more permanent home with two roommates, one of which works for Apple as QA in their games division. Haven't met the other roommate, all I know is he plays guitar! The place is really really nice, and I definitely look forward to living in both places.

Now to watch an MMA event before turning in... you sleep so much better when you are out and about from 8AM to 8PM haha.

Cheers,
-Pin

New Mexico

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 02:19:30 GMT

On Saturday night I took a redeye flight back to DC. On Monday morning I departed in my Scion tC for the promised land of California.

Yes, over 1800 miles later I am now in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Thus far, the trip has been complete shit. I think I would have enjoyed the whole thing, except I picked up a virus of some sort the ONE DAY I was in NoVA and have been deathly sick since then.

During my epic travels thus far I have passed through such towns as Knoxville, Nashville, Little Rock, Palestine, Oklahoma City, Amarillo, Carthage, Memphis, Sparta, and Lebanon. Also, shout out to all the people at Christiansburg a.k.a. Virginia Tech.

It's been pretty wild. There have been some pretty dramatic changes in terrain, climate, and plant life as I drove across the states. Especially after hitting Arkansas, lots of flat terrain allows you to see really far off into the distance for some picturesque settings. Especially when the sun starts to set, the horizons take on some soft gradients and you are treated to a beautiful panoramic view of sky and earth.

Anyways. It's been a pretty boring trip thus far since I've been sick. Just lots of bugs dying on my windshield, then some summer showers washing my windshield, then more bugs, etc. etc. I'm gonna turn in early and hope I wake up not sick anymore. Tomorrow I do the grand canyon, and the day after that, Blue Man Group at the Venetian in Vegas!

Cheers,
-Pin

Harder than Expected

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 18:19:43 GMT

I'm pretty overdue for an update haha. I've been writing so many cover letters and tests in the last month and a half that I don't know if I'll be able to write a casual journal entry... so bear with me :)

So, I moved to the San Francisco bay area.

Also, bears rock.

I graduated on 5/16. My perspective on the whole deal was that, after messing around for about 22 years of my life, it was finally time to get started. It would be a breeze, I thought. It didn't really matter where I went, as long as I was doing something interesting in an interesting place. I knew with absolute certainty I would leave the DC area. I knew with high confidence that I would find a place suitable for me.

Turns out, life is not that easy :)

I realized after some thinking that I wanted to revive my old dream of game development. I took a hard look at my "open a bar in Beijing" plan and decided it was too risky for now. I also found out that MBA programs USUALLY don't take students with less than 2 years of working experience (although this is a changing trend and studies have proven that students with NO experience get more out of MBA programs). Anyways, I decided that game dev was where I wanted to be headed, and game design in particular.

I started sending out my resume to game companies in various places (Europe, Australia, Singapore, all around the US, even near DC). Soon my expectations lowered as I realized that my highly coveted game designer job was NOT an entry level position, but a highly competitive position that there is almost no set career path to achieve. I started applying for QA positions (game testing) that were entry level positions. By June, I had received NO replies. A week later, after 30+ resumes had been sent out, I received NO human replies.

The pressure was mounting for me. I was getting sucked back into the comforts and boredom of my life in NOVA and I became desperate for an escape. Advice I found everywhere said that, to break into the games industry, I needed to make myself a local candidate and move to a "hotbed of game development." So when my friend Victor graciously offered me a place to stay in San Francisco as I hunted for jobs, I jumped on it and bought a one-way ticket to SF a week and a half later.

A day after buying the ticket, I said to myself: oh SHIT. The fuck was I thinking? Further research revealed that QA testers, even in the expensive San Francisco bay area, were paid about $10-$15 / hour. An extensive search of company listings in the area only revealed 6 companies actively hiring for QA positions. I applied to several the day before I left, but only ever heard back from one company: Electronic Arts. Ironically, on EA's recruitment ad, it says "PLEASE CONSIDER THE IMPLICATIONS OF MOVING TO THE SAN FRANCISCO BAY AREA FOR A TEMPORARY $10/HOUR WAGE." What kind of fucking dipshit company offers a job that you can hardly survive on? FULLTIME?

The answer is EA folks, and the more general answer is the games industry.

Before boarding the plane, I realized I needed a backup plan. I had always had one, of course: web development. I had basically sworn to myself that I would not use this plan in NOVA. But here I was, frantically building my portfolio in a few days (http://pinwang.info. Since making it, I've come to truly dislike its layout and navigation... and style). I got a phone interview for one company the Friday before my flight, and bombed it like a total noob. Even getting a web development job, I realized, was going to be tough in the highly competitive bay area job market.

So I boarded the plane. The days before that boarding I was scared shitless. I mean, I was going across the country with a bag full of clothes, no money, and no job... to look for a job. In the airport though, I was reminded of all my adventures and why I love airports. I had a feeling of excitement, and suddenly the challenges ahead seemed less scary and more intriguing. I had my doubts, but entering Dulles airport, I remembered what each traveling experience had taught me: its a big world out there, and you can do whatever the fuck you want in it.

My first week, I applied to several web dev jobs (had already applied to every QA job before even arriving). I definitely applied to over 5 jobs a day the first three days. After that, I continued to apply to a large number of jobs. I thanked my history classes that gave me strong writing skills, since I pumped out cover letter after cover letter. Recruiters wouldn't stop calling me. Fuck them. Recruiters call you, send your resume off, and never get back to you. Must have had like 20 recruiters call me. Maybe when my expected salary rises, they will actually care.

Anyways, by the end of week one, I had a couple phone interviews and interest e-mails. I had another phone interview and didn't completely bomb it haha. I progressively got better with phone interviews and the second week, I secured my first face to face interview. At this point, I had a couple game companies interested in me for web development positions. I passed a programming test that, apparently, noone else who had applied for the position had ever passed (although it took me longer than it should have). My buddy working at that company said that they were desperate, and that should I not go crazy on the phone interview, they might even offer over the phone! Of course, I completely bombed the phone interview, struggling on basic and predictable programming questions like "how would you sort an unordered array without copying it?" Of course, after that hard test that had taken me 5 hours to complete, I had expected an interview with personal questions. I wanted that job badly, and struggled on questions that I knew the answer for. Basically, I blew it, and they sent me a letter of rejection the same day. Receiving that letter, I had a momentary feeling of regret for not pursuing a degree in computer science as my father had suggested (it passed quickly though haha). My friend was disappointed, but not as much as I was.

Life goes on. That same afternoon the company that I had interviewed with face to face offered. The offer was low, so I said I would think about it. An hour later, another gaming company called me and phone interviewed me for a similar position. Things were finally looking up (this was last Friday). Over the weekend, I thought about the offer. What they offered was dramatically lower than the average salaries my research had revealed for the same position. After all the job is in Silicon Valley less than 10 minutes from the Google office and next door to AMD and other big tech companies. I was kind of insulted, but I wanted that job badly. I thought pretty hard about it. The other job was in a casual game company, and the first was at Gala-Net, a Japanese-owned, Korean-dominated international MMO developer (exactly where I wanted to end up). Though the job at the second company was in the city, and was a lead position (great setup for an MBA I thought), I wasn't too sure if I was ready for a lead position and didn't want to risk the other offer. I was getting VERY impatient about finding a job and to settle down (two days ago). I pulled the trigger, asked for 15,000 more (yes, their offer was that much lower than the average), and when they came back with only a 5,000 increase, I accepted anyways.

I knew I would pay the price in salary to be in the games industry, so I don't feel too bad about it :) At least I have benefits, and from my budget calculations I'll be able to survive and save some money. I'm going to be in the suburbs again (way out of SF), but it'll be in a new area and hopefully I'll meet some cool people. I've scouted out MMA gyms in the area already hehe, and I'm going to ship my car over. My buddy who works at the other company will hopefully room with me, and I start on 7/14.

I'll probably visit NOVA again eventually. But now that visit will be digging into my vacation time I can use to go other places, so I don't know how often I'll be coming back. Either way, I will definitely miss NOVA. OK, not really :) I will probably feel slightly nostalgic about the people I knew in NOVA. Visit me any time though, I welcome you in my future new home :)

Thanks to Victor for letting me stay at his place, or I should really be thanking Nick for letting me hijack his room before he gets here! Thanks to everyone who I have talked to in the last 3 weeks and who gave me advice or just talked to me about the challenges I was facing. I hope to work hard and open opportunities for myself in game development and eventually achieve my dreams. My plan is to get to know some producers, get an MBA after two years, and have a junior producer position waiting for me when I finish. Then I can eventually move into design. Thanks for reading, and good luck to everyone.

Cheers,
-Pin

Tibet Rant

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 04:42:10 GMT

So, I just spent the last few hours browsing various facts about Tibet. To sum up: the media hates on China because they have no fucking clue about its history and politics. Also, Chinese people seem to be completely ignorant of the plight of the Tibetan people.

How its going down:

- The media abuses the image of a "suffering Tibet" to express its hate of a socialist demon (China). This is obvious in the fact that they are protesting the Olympics (the fuck do sports have to do with fucking Tibet? I'll give you a clue... nothing).

- Chinese people are hating on the haters (I think people call this the "cycle of hate") because they, and Chinese-Americans especially, feel like the hate in the media is a manifestation of some sort of anti-Chinese racism.

- The Dalai Lama, in actuality a pretty smart and nice dude (he's no Gandhi though, he aint crazy), is telling people not to protest the Olympics or to be violent and is trying to bring about a very practical solution.

- Meanwhile, the Chinese don't give a flying fuck about Tibet, especially Chinese-Americans who are too busy stroking their egos and penises. Wake up and smell the coffee Chinese-Americans, you constantly hate on your own race and your organization blows, why do you think people walk all over you? Maybe you should just suck it up and realize the Tibetans have it much worse.

- The Western critics are retarded also. All they do is idolize the Dalai Lama and hug him saying dumb shit in really serious tones like "the world knows the truth, your holiness, the world knows," to thunderous applause. Ten minutes later they are criticizing China for "human rights" violations that have fuck all to do with the so-called "oppression of Buddhist tradition" in Tibet. Wake the fuck up too you noobs, do you know what its called when a group of religous monks run a country? It's called THEOCRACY you dumb fucks, maybe you should remove your stereotype of the Chinese government as a Communist devil and at least take a hard look at the facts (just as the Chinese should).

Since the coverage of the event is so one-sided, I'm including a video for China's side. I tend to agree with the French senator, but don't lump me in with those fake-ass Chinese people who don't give a fuck about other people's suffering but only about their own pride:

Anyways, all of this and the other shit going on just makes me ask the question: Where is the love? I'm feeling the love from 'Da Lama' and sendin it right back but... come on... I just wanna know...

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates
Man, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'
in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love
Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love, the love, the love?

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' our wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images is the main criteria
Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness in equality
Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found
Now ask yourself

Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?
Where is the love?

Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love?

Sing wit me y'all:
One world, one world (We only got)
One world, one world (That's all we got)
One world, one world
And something's wrong wit it (Yeah)
Something's wrong wit it (Yeah)
Something's wrong wit the wo-wo-world, yeah
We only got
(One world, one world)
That's all we got
(One world, one world)

Being lazy

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 05:43:18 GMT

For the last two weeks I have been a complete waste of life. All I do is watch endless amounts of asian movies, MMA videos, Korean Starcraft videos and partake in all sorts of tomfoolery on weekends.

That being said this week I've actually gotten a start on a few things. As always, a list:
1. Finally working with "main dev team" at CHNM, doing one of several design mock-ups that will be chosen and implemented for a new website.
2. Books arrived for GMAT study... anyone out there taken the GMAT, gone to business school, or have any advice on these kinds of things?
3. Researched a lot of business schools with MBA degrees with global concentration. Will be trying to get into a really good program with large foreign student populations. This is gonna be tough for me as my GPA is far from outstanding, and of course I have no professional management experience. I do, however, have lots of work experience, some loosely acceptable management experience (go Neoshock references hah!), a solid and easily obtainable recommendation letter from the GMU History dep chair, and (fingers crossed), academically published status as an undergrad!
4. Thought a little about that paper which I need to work really hard on to get published...
5. Sent my good vibes out for Obama and the people's revolution

The Annual New Year's Post

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 11:37:14 GMT

It's going to be 2008 soon!!! Hooooooooo!

...and to think Hard Gay was still wildly popular at the beginning of this year! I haven't heard or seen him for a while now, I guess he is no longer in style :(

Anyways, as is becoming the custom, this lengthy LJ post will chronicle the changes in my life over the past year and also make an attempt at identifying the direction of my momentum going into the new year, in all the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual senses. To be honest, I haven't gotten a chance to write for leisure for a while now so I'm actually quite excited to be writing this post! Anyways, lets get on to it...

Academics / The Past Semester
Over the semester I've been writing essays like a madman and totally nerding it up. For the first time in my life I was (actually) a good student this semester. The good news is that it paid off, with my one professor recommending to me that I could get my paper published in an academic journal if I work hard on it next semester!! I queried some female friends and the verdict is in on being published academically: doesn't get girls hot. Too bad, but if you are interested in the role of hip-hop youth culture in the former Yugoslavia, holla at me, hah!

Visit to Harvard
I visited my childhood friend Alex in Boston recently. It was a very motivating experience for me just because it was nice to see an old friend. Chances are high that I will be on an adventure in the Amazon rain forest sometime this spring with my buddy and his girlfriend, so prepare to be amazed at some Planet-Earth photos... or to never hear from me again.

Post-Graduation Plans
Well, I will be finishing up my last three classes next semester and then graduating. A lot of you are already way ahead of me so won't bore you with my tingly feelings of excitement about finally finishing. I am sorry to disappoint here but I still HAVE NOT decided on what I will be doing after graduation. Best-case-scenario for me at this point would be for me to go to China for the summer and party my face off, maybe hit up Korea and Japan along the way. Having accumulated a vast amount of credit card debt in this dream-scenario, I would then attend graduate school and get my MBA. Post-grad-school, I would then proceed to make big dollars doing international business in China, OR teaching english abroad while fucking around, OR opening up a bar in Beijing. Those are the possible plans of action as of now.

China, Again!
My time spent in China definitely did not get the treatment it deserved in previous LJ posts. Certainly, an essay on cosmopolitanism in the constantly transforming 21st century was nice, but I definitely need to write here about my personal experience there.

As with my trip in 2005, I once again rediscovered what kind of person I can be when removed from my surroundings here in Virginia. I definitely had a great time and the words I would use to describe my time there can be along the lines of "transformative," "empowering," or "fucking awesome." The bottom line was that I had more fun this summer than perhaps any other time in my life. As in 2005, I was at one moment anxious about the adventure of traveling abroad, and then at the next finding myself more comfortable with myself and surroundings than I am at home. The difference this time around was that every aspect was intensified. From my exploration of my own identity as a Chinese-Canadian-American, to the ridiculous nights of drinking, dancing and generally partaking in all sorts of tomfoolery... the entire thing was a hell of a ride. I have some interesting stories if you are ever sharing a drink with me and want to hear. In case you didn't catch it... I broke my face while biking on the ancient wall of Xian, thats one good story.

Anyways, its undeniable that I'm a lot cooler in Beijing than I am in NOVA, this is just reality. Also like in 2005, since returning home I have definitely lost a lot of the energy that I had while abroad, but I think I understand it better now. Previously I had used my experience to motivate me and inspire me to try harder in life, but this time around I don't feel the same pressure to try harder. I think I had such a good time in China this time that I've become entirely comfortable with myself, and no longer feel the need to prove myself (or maybe I'm just lazy). I think basically what I realized is that, just because not many people around appreciate you for who you are, doesn't mean that there aren't (a lot) of people out there who can/will. You might think that sounds cheesy and retarded, and if you do, fuck you! Fuck you because it's true, and there needs to be more cheesy, lubby dubby, shit out there thats true instead of hip, cool, fundamentally flawed and false shit.

What else... I want to thank my buddy Jeffrey Chen for being a great roomie who I did not hate even after spending almost every night sleeping in the same room as him for almost 3 months. Cheers mate! And to sum up my trip to China... I would say that while 2005 showed me what kind of man I could be, in 2007 I took very large steps towards becoming that man and I'm quite happy with my progress.

Revolutionary Philosophy
My ideology concerning politics, government, clashes in culture, generation gaps, etc. is all coming together. In case you missed the last 10 links to Immortal Technique songs I posted, I am very into independent hip-hop that is socially conscious. My respect for law and order and those who enforce it has dramatically declined over the past year, and especially my sensitivity to soldiers who fight for fill-in-the-blank causes around the world. As I wrote this year: in this day and age, to be a pacifist, at least to a certain extent, is not to be a radical or an extremist, but it is simply being historically accurate while keeping your humanity in mind. All of my studies have led me to a very conclusive stance on war, on poverty, and on class struggle. I can and do call out people on bullshit when they speak now, I no longer hold a neutral, learning stance. This carries over to other things as well, including religion.

Goals
I think I'm past goals to be honest. These days if I really want to do something I will just go ahead and do it. But, these sort of things are kind of like tradition for me so I will set some ridiculously impossible goals for myself... in 2008 I want to:
- Find the girl of my dreams and make sweet love to her
- Get filthy rich
- Learn to actually play the piano
- Be able to do over a hundred super-burpee sprawls in under a minute
- Facilitate world peace
- Have my Chinese at the same level as my English
- Leave Northern Virginia behind for a beautiful land
- Get an awesome tattoo and if not able to get it at least have it researched

Well, I think that suffices as a decent new years post. As always I strive to constantly improve myself and become a better person in every sense. I'm definitely far from being mature, but I feel like I can handle myself pretty well these days, and not just when jerking off you perverts. 2008 will surely bring some tremendous and welcomed change to my life, and I look forward to facing it head-on.

Cheers,
-Pin

Truth!

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 04:41:51 GMT

The Poverty of Philosophy

Gonna update sometime soon about life. Till then be easy,
-Pin

two things

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 23:30:08 GMT

1. To whoever invented the button-up fly, FUCK YOU, bitch.
2. Korean dictionary for kids. Source http://metropolitician.blogs.com/scribblings_of_the_metrop/2006/02/where_do_korean.html